Deepest, Darkest, Birthday Wish
You wake up feeling out of sorts, not too sure why you have a sense of weirdness about you.
Your cell beeps, signaling a text has come through. “Happy Birthday! Hope you like it when your deepest darkest desires come true!” It says. You don’t recognize the phone number.
You head to the bathroom to take care of your morning routine. You shit, shower and shave, thinking something was wrong, but shrugging it off. Bending down in front of the mirror as you shave, you think to yourself, I really need to adjust it. And why is the counter so damn low? Again, you brush it off. Your cell phone rings with some douchey hip-hop ringtone. (When did I change my ringtone?) and you don’t recognize the number. You let it go to voice mail. Playing it back, you hear someone saying,“Hey bro, we were supposed to work out together half an hour ago, hurry up and get you ass over here! ”
You realize that it’s your best bro Jimbo. How can you forget his number? And why wasn’t it programmed into your phone? Anyway you put on some clothes grab your bag and head to the gym.
On route to the gym, you get a text from more people you don’t know. There’s a photo of two naked twinks, both with slave collars saying, please master, can we do this again?“ Confused you think whatever, and continue to the gym.
“Fucking A dude, what the fuck?” Jimbo asks me.
“Fuck you!” I reply, giving him a bro hug. “I was busy dominating two twinks last night. I had to destroy their asses and break their jaws with my fucking huge fuckstick.” Fuckstick? Dominating? What was I saying? I stared to feel like a passenger in my own body.
“Whatevah,” Jimbo says. “Let’s just fuckin workout already, bitch.” “Yeah, you my bitch,” you say. You guys get to the squat rack and you start piling on the plates on the barbell. 1…2…3…4…5… on each side. “What the fuck,” you think to yourself, “I can’t fuckin lift that: And your body proceeds to do so. Your mighty (mighty?) thighs pumping with veins and muscles. Your ass popping out, two basketballs hanging in mid-air, so luscious and solid. And your calves are more like cows, bigger that footballs and solid like stone. You finish 3 sets of 50 reps and move on to a bench press. Piling over 500 lbs of weights on to the barbell, you make quick work of your 3 sets of 25 reps. Sweat glistens off of your majorly pumped pecs. You can’t believe how chiseled and solid they are. (Of course they are. The gym is like your home. You basically live here.) Then you start to curl the barbell. You biceps and arms growing and filling up with rock hard solid muscle. Bigger than a kid’s head, your arms are glorious! (Fuck yeah! You spend enough time on them!) You move on to work out each and every muscle group, feeling pumped and awesome as reps turn into sets.
“Fuck yeah, Jimbo! That was fucking awesome!” You high five Jimbo. “Yeah, you were fucking possessed!” he says. “Fucking A! Killer fucking workout!” you reply. Your phone dings. “Don’t forget your shift starts in an hour. Sometimes you’re so dumb you’d be lost without me.” The text from your manager reads “Shit! I gotta go work! See you later. “
In the locker room, you can’t help admire your body. It’s perfection. Every muscle carved and honed to statuesque beauty. Of course you don’t know words like statuesque anymore, you just think of yourself as fuckin ripped! You can’t help but admire yourself in the mirrors, posing and cockily grinning. Taking a few selfies. You’re just so fucking hot! You turn yourself on! You get yourself ready for a night stripping at the club. Oiling up your muscles putting on your stripper gear (a sexy cop outfit) and getting ready for a night of stripping and getting your muscles worshipped. Who knows? Maybe tonight, you’ll take home more twinks to dominate, and ruin more holes and break more jaws. This is the life!
For @hyphyphurray as a belated birthday story. Hope you like it bruh!
Himbo, Muscle Growth and Dumbing Down Stories 